Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Break-Ups: Who's More Emotionally Affected?

Upon stumbling across a post by Pink Cufflynx focused on breakups and why women are more commonly affected emotionally than men, I got to thinking of my own reasoning behind the scenario. A few questions popped into mind following the post, one of which I decided to ask a group of guys and girls as a way to compare/contrast the male response from the female response. Here are the responses that I received.

Do you think it matters who initiated the breakup when considering who is more heavily affected emotionally?
Male Responses:

"Whoever is more emotionally attached throughout the relationship will suffer the most because they obviously have the stronger feelings. So, they'll be hurt the most. Therefore they're the one that suffers the most from the break up"

"it's a part question, so yea it does matter. And the female in most situations is more heavily affected cause men are such assholes we intend to lead the female on so strong to where they're in love and the male backs out cause most of us are scared of commitment or we either feel as if there's something better in the world then what we already have. Which is stupid because what we have we will never find with another female"

"Hmm that's tough...but i would say no, because someone might really love someone but breakup with that person in the best interest of their future...if that makes sense"
"I think whoever emotions are affected by it the least is the breaker-upper"

"Yea, a little. Because...if one knows the other is going to be all torn up about it it is like saying i don't care I'm going to be selfish and let this one suffer. It kind of says they weren't really in the relationship from the beginning"

"Yes, it does matter. Because whoever is more emotionally affected tends not to want to break up so it would matter who breaks up. If that person initiates the break up it means there's something wrong with that person"

"Yes, The one who wants the break up, is the one that initiates the break up, because the other is probably enjoying the relationship as is and will be the one who is more affected"

Female Responses:

"No, man up. lol. At least be nice about it if you know it is going to hurt them, but they should be able to control themselves. The world is not over. It's going to hurt them for a while and they'll move on. Do not dwell on the past, that's what I've been learning. It took me two years"

"Not totally, it depends on the factors that mounted up to the break up"

"Nope, doesn't matter. Because if you decide you are not happy in a relationship and you feel as though a break up is necessary then you have to do what's best for you regardless who is going to be affected emotionally"

"Yes, it does. Well, a break up shows a sense of fear for the relationship in the future and it shows how unbearable the present state of the relationship is. You don't break up with someone because things are going great, unless you think that there are going to be trials in the future. No matter who is going to be hurt it's the person who ends it that ultimately holds the power. If you are dumped they can always come back but if you do the dumping you have to go back and fix everything"
"It's complicated, you got to elaborate on the situation more for me to give a good response. Because it could be the case where the person who is affected more emotionally doesn't want to break up at all, but then again the person who is affected more emotionally might also want the breakup because they feel and know the other person isn't right for them but it just hurts to let them go"

Here's my twist:

I am of two minds when considering who is more heavily affected emotionally. One point that was drawn up, that i absolutely favor, is that often times you remove yourself from a situation because it is stunting your growth and you are searching for maturity and a chance to develop. Staying in a relationship that is quenching your thirst physically, but is not mentally can be unhealthy. Although, it is tough for you to say the words "it's over" who else will care about your progression as a person? A close mouth doesn't get fed, so if you feel that your needs are not being met at a physical mental and emotional balance, do yourself a favor and take an immediate turn towards the nearest exit. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is say good-bye, but consider the favor you are doing for yourself. Not to say that the person you are leaving behind will be the only one heart broken, you will probably be just as torn up. Internally there is some connection with your significant other, but if your mind, body and soul desires more, do not be selfless and allow the situation to disseminate. On the flip side, I also agree with those who answered "yes" to the question. Not all relationships are 50/50. As a matter of fact, show me one couple that you know who is, because I am drawing a blank. There is usually one person who puts in a little more effort, a little more emotion, and a little more time. This person tends to be the emotional force in the relationship, they become attached first and do their best to keep it all intact. As this person can come across as the feeble type, their head strong emotions may overwhelm their other half, ultimately pushing the other away. Sometimes feeling as if someone is giving you their all and it's not where you want to be, it becomes a deeper and deeper turn off. And instead of prolonging the situation and allowing them to continue to cascade head over heels, you do your best to let them down gently, and walk away with a smile knowing you have just "surgically" removed that lump on your shoulders.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Im gonna have to agree with the people saying, whoever is more emotionally attached is affected. And definately from personal experience, as a dude yea you get over it, but sometimes you think about it and its like damn it really went down like that? So I think theres different mindsets during the breaking up period. From a female point of view, it could be somewhere between "he's just not the one for me" to "he's a straight dog". From the males point of view, it could be between something simple as "she's annoying" to the extreme of "she was definately playin me". So I do agree its the person whos more attatched, but depending on the mindset of both sides is how affected they will be.

Also jus to see if someone might have an answer to this. Say you do end in a break up. Is it possible for someone to just stop loving someone?