Monday, June 23, 2008

Dont say I'm too good for you. I am . . .but dont say it.

There comes a point in your life where settling for physical attraction is unacceptable. This point marks true maturity. As a young girl, your eyes are generally geared towards the cutest boy in school, the most athletic boy in school, and by far the most popular. Not considering the future, your number one concern is the jealous looks you will get from other girls solely for being the new girl on his arm. As you get older, that number one concern becomes lost in the midst of all the runner-ups and is shuffled into the pile of "wants". Your number one "want" is quickly replaced with your number one "need". I often find myself attracted to "wants" that consider me to be a "need". I am educated, self-sufficient, and a beautiful young woman. I say that in the most humbling way possible. By no means do I put myself on a pedestal, wearing arrogance on my sleeve. I am simply stating observation. With the positives that I possess, I am often drawn towards young men who need that type of influence in order to better them and mature them. However, often times, I am shortchanged because as a result, I am stunting my own growth as they are unable to put a change on the table for me. The eye for physical attraction is rapidly exchanged with a more focused magnifying glass in search of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual maturity. What happens when my "need" presents itself in front of me while i am still tussling in a game of tug-of-war with my "want". Do I settle for being selfless as I allow someone to feed off of me without receiving nourishment in return? Or do I open door number two and receive my "need" with open arms? What happens when the suitable man in door number two is battling the same situation and is fighting tug-of-war with his needy "want". Does it then become immature to ditch the helpless after being the only direction they have, or does it become mature to lock hands with a connection that transcends past what meets the eye?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, what a powerful dilemma. As a strong, educated, young woman who has been in this situation more than once, I will advice anybody in this situation to open door number two and give it a try. It is great to be selfless and willing to help others. However, at the end of the day, it will be very hard to help and be with the "want" when you are unhappy because all you keep thinking about is the "need". Always remember that time is never on your side; you have no control over it so stop prolonging what you know in your hurt is true just because you do not want to hurt other people. It is okay to be selfish sometimes.

Anonymous said...

I would agree, but I would also caution leaving and just being selfish. Yes, a lady need nourishment, and so being with someone who in no way, shape or form can uplift you CLEARLY has its flaws, however, it may be that one isnt looking for the nourishment in all the right places... perhaps that wants fills you with happiness by doing the small things that make your day. It's a gamble... perhaps you can lift up your man and in the future find bliss and repayment, or perhaps you will forever be unhappy.

Shantia said...

You have no idea how much this speaks to me. Yes it's always great to feel needed, but everyone grows on their own accord. No matter how much we nudge them in the right direction or the direction we feel they should go, life will ALWAYS take it's course. Eventually they will get to the same place that you are in in your life. Sometimes if we look deeper we can learn something from them. It may not be book knowledge or things that our society tells us are important, but we can always learn from others. You would be surprised how much an ignorant person can teach you. 1.how not to act 2. what impression you leave when you act ignorant 3. how greatful you should be to God that you are not that ignorant. We are all ignorant in certian senses, but we do not have to embrace that ignorance. By learning from every person we meet and not taking things at face value we may find that our wants meet the needs we didn't know we had. Just something to think about. I find that surrounding yourself with people that truely treasure growth is one of the easiest ways to grow.

Elise said...

wow!!
very well stated guys.
As a libra, examining and breaking down the goods and bads of both sides comes naturally to me. While i have given you a scenario at face value, all that lies underneath and all that has built up between these lines is not here. Without much information you guys have still managed to present valuable lessons. We'll see how it plays out for them.

Wes said...

I've been in that same similar situation myself. For 6 years I gave so much of myself, trying to help him become what I knew and wanted him to be, however, I came to the realization (one day it just hit me like a rock) that I can't change him. He'll never be what I want him to be and I deserve better. I'm college educated, and looking in the future, I knew that's not what I wanted for myself and I let him go.
Now, I have someone who is also college educated, smart, sexy and even though he's much older than I am he feeds me intellectually as well as spiritually... And I think that's whats good for a young black woman's soul (especially one that was malnourished).

Wes said...

BTW- Great post girl!

Anonymous said...

After reading and carefully evaluating your STRONG choice of word usage i can obviously see you're a passionate woman who knows what she deserves out of a man. The question you must ask yourself when caught in a "catch 22" between being selfless & selfish is wether or not your going to be able to maintain an authentic, genuine smile every morning you wake up and take that first look in the mirror? Are you ever going to feel butterflies from his presence again? Will you ever feel like the luckiest lady in the world? These feelings and emotions are what keep the fire burning. And without them a relationship is nothing more than a mere cloud of smoke after the fire is put out, awaiting to eventually vanish away. The worst thing we can do for others is to allow them to win by default. Meaning if your "want" isn't willing to put forth the commitment to transition himself into a much desired "need" then being selfless isn't your issue, having pity is.